The Use of Punishment

According to applied behavioral analysts we are influenced by the consequences of our behavior. If a behavior is followed by negative, aversive, or unpleasant consequences, we are less likely to repeat it. This is called punishment.

Should parents use punishment? That´s a personal choice, however, it is important to recognize that punishment is applied only if the behavior in question stops or occurs less frequently. All too often we apply what we believe is punishment and the given behavior doesn´t change or even increases in frequency. By definition, if the behavior doesn´t stop, punishment has not been applied.

Preparing for a New Baby

One of the most important ways in which expectant parents can prepare themselves for the birth of their baby is to explore their views on parenting. Do you know how your spouse feels about spanking? Does your spouse know about your views on child rearing? Are there similarities and differences in your views. New parents are often surprised to learn that their spouses have very different views about child rearing
and discipline. Take the time to explore one another´s views and try to work out some compromises because children need consistency.

Dating with Children

How do you handle dating when you have kids? Specifically, how do you handle your kids? Remember that you're the one dating, not your kids; they don't get a vote. Allow your kids see you date casually. Why is this important? Because parents are models for their children. Show your kids that it's possible to have a variety of healthy friendships and relationships.

Divorce Dos

DO:

*reassure the children they will be safe, sheltered and cared for
*keep the parental role
*tell them they are loved and wanted
*be sure they understand the break up was NOT their fault
*Encourage kids to express their feelings about the breakup in safe ways
*stay healthy yourself. Get plenty of rest, nutrition and support

see www.divorcedoc.com/helpyou.htm

Help Your Child to Understand and Deal with Tragedy

How do you discuss an illness, death, or other tragic situation with a child? First, remember that every child is different and will respond differently depending on age, life experiences, and personality. Keep the child's age in mind and try to respond in developmentally appropriate ways. Be honest; don't keep the information from the child. When the child finds out (and you know it will happen eventually) he or she will be angry and hurt not to have been told. Try to anticipate your child's questions, prepare answers, and give your child time to heal.

Parenting: Using Reinforcement

A fundamental principle of applied behavioral analysis, formerly called behavior modification, is that we are influenced by the consequences of our behavior. If a behavior is followed by positive or pleasurable consequences, then we will be more likely to repeat that behavior in the future. This is known as reinforcement.

How can parents use reinforcement to shape their children's behavior? When your child acts appropriately, reinforce him or her. Reinforcers can be candy, special activities, TV time. Reinforcers can also be intangible things like attention or a smile.

It Takes Time to Adjust to Parenthood

Research suggests that it takes time to adjust to parenthood. Often there is a decline in marital satisfaction and many parents experience feelings of depression after becoming parents. How can parents deal with their new responsibilities and adjust to parenthood? Gain knowledge about child development and what to expect from your infant. The more realistic parental expectations are about child development, the easier it is to adjust.

New Mom Blues

New mothers often are surprised to learn that in addition to the joy, they also feel a little sad and afraid. Realize that this is common. Talk with other mothers to vent your anger, frustration, and fears. Develop a support network of friends and family to help you through this time.

Helping children through divorce

-Try not to make any unnecessary changes; divorce is a big enough change for kids to deal with.
-However difficult it may be, do not talk badly about the other parent (at least within earshot of the children).
-Do not lead the children to believe that a reconciliation may occur. They need to understand that the divorce is final.
-Do not ask your children to be your best friend or confidant

Stepfamilies: Making them Work

How can you get your kids to warm up to a new stepparent? First, be realistic. Research suggests that it takes about 2 years for a new family pattern to take shape and for kids to get used to a stepparent. Let your kids take their time in warming up to the new spouse. Be sure to allow the stepparent and child define their respective roles and support their choices. It´s not uncommon for a stepparent to take more of an aunt or uncle role than a parental role. If that´s what works in your family, don´t force it. Finally, work on your relationship with your new spouse. It won´t matter if the kids get along with him or her if the marriage doesn´t work

Increase Your Child´s Emotional Intelligence

Help your child become more emotionally intelligent.
Teach your child emotional intelligence skills by modeling them. Pay attention to your own behavior and habits. Don´t just model, but explain your thoughts and behavior to your child. Let
your child in. Explain why you help others, or why you are feeling happy or sad. Explain how you know what you´re feeling.

Adjusting to Parenthood

Parenthood is stressful. How do you adjust to your new role without feeling overwhelmed? Seek social support from friends and other new parents. Develop a network of social resources to draw from. How do you broaden your network? Try parenting groups, socialize with others from your birthing class. Get to know parents at the hospital or at the child care center. Talk to parents at the park. Relationships with other parents provide emotional and informational resources for new parents.